Christmas is like no other time of year. The lights, the decorations, the activities - they all draw our attention to what's coming. In a normal year (non-covid), we plan our events and parties, and we fill our calendars with special occasions that only happen once a year. Everything in our days is leading up to that one magical day, Christmas day - December 25th. The excitement, the anticipation, and the joy that come with this day can be all-consuming.
With such anticipation at an all-time high, emotions run equally as high. Surprisingly, the holiday season can be painful for many - a time when joy is hard to hold on to and peace seems unattainable. This can happen to many in a variety of ways, like unrealistic expectations placed on love ones as simple as who will visit whom? At what time? Sometimes it is the expectation that our loved ones will make our Christmas a Norman Rockwell Christmas. That is placing your happiness in people and not in God. Holding loved ones to our "Christmas expectations" is destined for disappointment.
Another reason causing many great pain is that Christmas dredges up the deep pain of family relationships that "never were." That is, people are reminded of the father or mother or sibling relationship that was never good and often was quite painful. Longing for hearts to be mended and wounds to be healed, but knowing they will not be leads to deeper hurt and pain.
So how shall a Christian handle this pain, hurt and yes, even anger? Let me suggest a few things.
First, release all of your loved ones of your expectations and love them for who they are. Take whatever time you have with them as a gift from God without putting more expectations upon them. For some, it may mean releasing a loved one from your anger because they never lived up to your expectation.
Secondly, Be sure that you are not expecting your happiness to come from some family member or loved one or even some family event together. Sometimes these disappointments can turn our focus back on Christ and His Spirit, the only Ones that can bring us true joy.
Thirdly, Extend grace to those who don't meet your expectations. Ephesians 4:31-32 states, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender‑hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Just as you have been extended grace through Christ's death, extend grace to your loved ones who let you down.
Fourthly, There are scriptures reference to God being a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless. They tell us that God is there to meet us at our emotional needs as they relate to a void in our relationships. So, in that moment of deep longing for "what is not," cry out to God to meet you there at that place of emptiness....and He will.
Fifthly, Remember that "hurt feelings come from hurt thoughts." It is not so much that some loved one did not meet your expectation, but more the fact that in processing that disappointment deep down inside, one perceives it as a form of rejection or lack of acceptance. What follows is the deep suspicion that you are "flawed." The answer?... See yourself as, "accepted in Christ" and "loved unconditionally" by God. And nothing can change that!
May these truths set us free to enjoy our Christmas more with Christ and less imprisoned to our own expectations of others!