But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
-James 3:17

[This is the third of a series of articles on the subject of handling difficult relationships from God's viewpoint.]

Hercules, according to legend, grew increasingly irritated by a strange, menacing animal that kept blocking his path. In a fit of anger, he struck the animal with his club, killing it. Yet, as he continued his path, he encountered the same animal, each time larger and more menacing than before. At last, a wise messenger appeared and warned Hercules to stop his furious assault. "The monster is Strife, and you are stirring him up," said the messenger. "Just let it alone and it will shrivel and cease to trouble you."

Difficult relationships often bring out that part of our old nature that wants to counter with a stronger reply or reaction to the one causing us grief. The epistle of James, in the above verse, gives us a God-desired response to that difficult one(s) in our lives.

The Apostle James, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, told the believers to resist the temptation to envy and selfish ambition. Instead, he called upon them to respond in the manner delineated above in James. First, we saw that we are to respond with a "pure" motive, seeking understanding and reconciliation. Secondly, we saw that this pure motive should lead to a peaceable, or better yet, a peacemaking heart. It does not come with a desire to control or win an argument, but with a desire to make peace without sacrificing truth.

In this writing, I want us to look at the third quality in this behavior that is led by God's Spirit which is the word "gentle." In the Greek text it is the word epieikes. This is a very interesting word. It is not easily translated. The scholar, William Barclay, calls it the most untranslatable term in the list. The Greek scholar, Archbishop Trench, said, "There is no word in English or Latin to adequately translate this word."

Arno Gaebelein said, "It describes the kind of person who, though wronged and possessing the 'right' not to bend, nevertheless forgoes his rights." Burdick, another scholar, said in the Septuagint this adjective "is used mostly of God's disposition as King. He is gentle and kind, although in reality He has every reason to be stern and punitive toward men in their sin. God's people are also to be marked by this godlike quality."

Solomon said it well, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Gentleness is not a temperament trait as some think. It is one who has the capacity and strength to come back strong, but whose godly heart yields to the Spirit's power, resisting the urge to get even or "set one straight." Peter lifted up Jesus as the prime example of such gentleness when he said:

and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.

So how would you grade your capacity of gentleness? Would others say that your gentleness with difficult people truly reflects one who extends grace in the face of a difficult relationship as did Christ?