But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. James 3:17

[This is the first in a series of Shepherd Staffs that will focus on handling difficult relationships God's way.]

How do you respond when others mistreat you? How do you respond when others criticize you or talk about you? How do you respond when others put you down in a meeting or at a social gathering? How do you respond to the person at your work or school who is constantly taking jabs at you? Or maybe it is not that anyone has personally maligned you, but there is a misunderstanding that has occurred and you seem to be declared as the one at fault. How do you handle those situations? If we are all honest, I think that most of us would say that there are times when we would like to give them a piece of our mind that we can ill afford to lose. However, if you have walked with God for any length of time, you know that God wants us to respond in a radically different way.

The passage at the top of this page was given by the Apostle James in the context in which believers were having quarrels and conflicts...and certainly misunderstandings. He alludes to the core problems when he speaks of believers having envy and selfish ambition in the previous passage. In other words, there was jealousy among some believers and others who had personal agendas which probably led to a desire to control. In that kind of context, false assumptions and misunderstandings abound.

James was one of the apostles who was notorious for being able to get the cookies on the lower shelf. He was great at showing people what truth looks like when it is "fleshed out." In the passage above, James lays out, in my opinion, the spirit and conduct of one who is truly Spirit-filled and finds himself in a situation where there has been mistreatment or misunderstanding on one side or both. Here he gives a great snapshot, or perhaps measuring stick, of what is truly behavior led by God's Spirit.

How often we deceive ourselves into thinking that we are led by God or Spirit-filled, but our actions bring that into question. James gives us the Holy Spirit's x-ray. The first component he mentions, and arguably the overriding guiding principle, is that of "pure." This word in the Greek is "hagnos" and means "undefiled." This means that when dealing with a difficult relationship, my motive must be pure. I must not have a motive to win, or gain control or make myself look good. But rather the first priority is to reconcile. Out of that motive should flow a desire to understand, rather than win or control.

I believe that having a pure motive and extending grace go hand in hand. Grace recognizes that we are all imperfect people. We've all made mistakes and we'll make more. There comes a time in every relationship when it's damaging to seek revenge...or even justice, when settling the score only stirs the fire. Grace recognizes that the best thing you can do is accept your brother and offer him the same grace you have been given. God calls that a "pure" motive.