But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

-James 3:17

[This is the fifth of a series of articles on the subject of handling difficult relationships from God's viewpoint.]

Thus far, we have seen that grace in the face of difficult relationships begins with a pure motive, seeking to reconcile, not win, or control. The second word on this roadmap is "peaceable." As I view this, I think this speaks of one who is not abrasive, judgmental, harsh or vindictive when seeking to resolve a conflict. That person truly comes in peace, seeking to understand rather than to win an argument. The third word that is mentioned in this James passage is that of being "gentle," meaning one who has the capacity and strength to come back strong, but whose godly heart yields to the Spirit's power, resisting the urge to get even or "set one straight." The fourth word is "reasonable" which refers to a person who is conciliatory, flexible, and willing to change when good reason is given for that change. They are not stubborn, unbending, and on the defense.

The next characteristic of one who demonstrates grace in the face of difficult relationships is "full of mercy and good fruits." This is a double characteristic. The one who is characterized by the true wisdom, the wisdom of God, is full of mercy, resulting in good fruits. This really means a concern for people who suffer, manifested not only in forgiving people who have wronged you, but in reaching out to people with compassion who are in suffering. When people are characterized as merciful, demonstrating kindness and compassion, they demonstrate a Beatitude attitude:"Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy" -Matthew 5:7.

Full of mercy seems to be giving others the benefit of the doubt as we treat them with kindness and compassion. Instead of jumping to false assumptions or writing people off with a premature judgment, we extend grace and kindness. We give them what we may think they don't deserve.

A little boy one day came to his mother and said, "Mama, please make me a peanut butter sandwich." The mother gave him a peanut butter sandwich, but then he looked at it and smile. He said,"Mama, I asked you for a peanut butter sandwich and you put jelly on it too!" That is mercy. Mercy is when God not only gives you what you ask for, but because of His kindness and compassion He adds a little more than you deserve.

It is my view, the one who is full of mercy is one who graciously gives that difficult person what they do not deserve....forgiveness, kindness and compassion.

Such behavior shows the fruit (evidence) of the Holy Spirit in their lives. As John Chrysostom (347-407 A.D.) said, "Mercy imitates God and disappoints Satan."