But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

-James 3:17

[This is the fourth of a series of articles on the subject of handling difficult relationships from God's viewpoint.]

The Lone Ranger creed was once as familiar to boys in America as the Boy Scout oath. Written by Fran Striker, it was the kind of creed that felt good. The creed stated: "I believe that to have a friend, a man must be one." Being a friend is not always an easy task. Handling relationships that are difficult is even a more delicate process. As we have been seeing in this series of Shepherd's Staffs, James 3:17 gives us a godly equation for handling any difficult relationship. In fact, it also serves as barometer to measure our own spirituality.

Thus far, we have seen that grace in the face of difficult relationships begins with a pure motive, seeking to reconcile, not win, or control. The second word on this roadmap is "peaceable." As I view this, I think this speaks of one who is not abrasive, judgmental, harsh or vindictive when seeking to resolve a conflict. That person truly comes in peace, seeking to understand rather than to win an argument. The third word that is mentioned in this James passage is that of "gentle," meaning one who has the capacity and strength to come back strong, but whose godly heart yields to the Spirit's power, resisting the urge to get even or "set one straight."

The next on the list is that of "reasonable." The Greek word translated "reasonable" appears only here in the New Testament. It comes from two Greek words, "well" and "persuadable." Together they mean"easily persuaded." But don't get the wrong idea. This doesn't mean a wise person or one filled by the Holy Spirit is a naive pushover! It has more of the sense of being "teachable." It speaks of someone who can put aside stubbornness and readily yield to the truth. It can refer to a person who is conciliatory, flexible, and willing to change when good reason is given for that change. In my view, the intimation of this word is that when the Spirit of God captures the heart and does His work deep within, He softens us.

A good example of this is found in the case of David and Abigail. (I Samuel 25:32, 33) David and his men had protected all the possessions and land of Abigail's husband Nabal. But when payday came, he refused to pay them. In fact, he acted like he didn't even know them. So David set out to kill not only him, but anyone that belonged to him. Abigail got word of that and set out to meet David. And she eloquently argued against violence by appealing to David's good side. David said to her, "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgement and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands." While David gives much praise to Abigail for having the courage to reason with him, David equally deserves credit for being open or reasonable to Abigail's appeal.

The New King James renders this word as "willing to yield." The NIV translates it as, "submissive." Dr. Kent Hughes states, "The rendering of 'submissive' is fine if one understands it as willing to submit to persuasion, or open to reason." Synonyms of reasonable are fair or just, free from favoritism or self-interest or bias or deception.

So in those difficult relationships of yours, do you seek to listen and understand rather than having the upper-hand, or winning? Are you open to opposing views or are you quick to defend your view? When the occasion arises and someone shows good reason as to why you could be wrong, are you willing to say, "You know what, I could be wrong on this."