Why Can't We Talk About It?

One of the biggest obstacles to a good marriage is poor communication. That is unfortunate, because “the lifeblood of a marriage is its communication.” We could even say that a marriage relationship is only as good as its communication. —That is, it is only as good as its ability to send and receive the right message.

Neil Clark Warren, in his Learning to Live With The Love of Your Life said, “It is my conviction that a marriage is about as healthy as the level of communication that transpires within it. It’s impossible to imagine a triumphant marriage without two people who have worked hard at mastering the art of give and take. And with every new bit of mastery comes a dramatically increased potential for blending and merging.”

Communication is the vehicle that is used to accomplish many relational aspects of marriage. Couples can neither address issues nor resolve conflict without effective communicational skills.

We are in the middle of a message series entitled, ‘Marriage-Built to Last.” For the next few weeks we’ll be talking about things that make for good communication. We will cover a lot of territory. As I think about communication I often have to think of the pre-requisite each person should have in order to reach the deepest level of sharing or communicating.

It has to do with a spiritual quality to which God’s word calls us as believers. Beyond the importance of such in our Christian walk, it takes a great deal of humility to communicate in our marriages for the right reasons with the right attitude. Without it, we are prone to react to our spouse out of pride or our insecurities.

In Ephesians 4:1-3, we read I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

We can make a few observations from this passage. Humility will cause us to be meek, patient and longsuffering with others. That would include your spouse. Humility will set us free from the inclination to be right, or to defend ourselves at all cost. Pride often causes our hearts to be encased in a cement shell of indifference constantly looking for self-justification. Humility sets us free from that indifference enabling us to hear the words and heart of our spouse.

Someone has captured the importance of humility in the marriage relationship in the following statement:

”The quality virtue of humility is a necessary attribute to have in and for healthy marriage relationships. Humility is a yielding door to understanding, insights, and wisdom. Humility is a virtue that is like medicine for relationships and marriages, when applied it shifts the attitudes of our personal constraints. Humility is a humble view of one’s own importance, it is the quality of being humble that comes from a lack of pride.”

Additionally, I would say that it is pride that erects walls of indifference in the communication process. It is humility that brings those walls down like an avalanche.

How would you evaluate your communication in marriage? May the communication in your marriage be one of seeking to hear the heart of your spouse rather than that of defending oneself.